Most saints seem unapproachable. They were holy from birth. They never sinned. They floated. St. Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD) is different. He is one of us. He struggled with lust. He struggled with pride. He struggled with ambition. He famously prayed:
"Lord, make me chaste... but not yet."
Yet, this man became the single most influential theologian in Western history. If you have ever felt "too far gone" for God, meet your [patron saint](/guides/who-is-my-patron-saint).
1. The Early Years: "I Stole Pears"
Augustine was born in Thagaste (modern Algeria) to a pagan father and a Christian mother (St. Monica). He was brilliant. His parents sent him to the best schools. But he was bored. in his autobiography, Confessions, he tells a famous story about stealing pears from a neighbor's tree. He didn't steal them because he was hungry. He threw them to the pigs.
"I loved the sin, not the thing for which I committed the sin." He realized early on that there is a deep, irrational darkness in the human heart.
The Mistress: At age 17, he took a mistress. They lived together for 15 years and had a son, Adeodatus. He was searching for love in all the wrong places.
2. The Cult: Manichaeism
Augustine wanted Truth. But he thought the Bible was "unsophisticated." So he joined the Manichaeans. This was a gnostic cult that taught:
- There are two gods: Light (Good) and Darkness (Evil).
- The physical world is evil.
- Jesus wasn't really human (he just looked human).
- You aren't responsible for your sins (it's just the "darkness" in you).
Augustine loved this. It meant his lust wasn't his fault. He spent 9 years in this cult, recruiting his friends into it.
3. The Turning Point: Milan & Ambrose
Augustine moved to Milan to be a rhetoric professor. He was successful, wealthy, and miserable.
"You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in Thee."
He went to hear the Bishop of Milan, St. Ambrose, preach. He went to criticize Ambrose's speaking style. But the message got through. Ambrose showed him that the Old Testament wasn't "dumb"—it was full of deep typology. Augustine's intellect was satisfied. But his will was still stuck. He couldn't give up his sex life.
4. The Garden: "Tolle Lege"
The climax of his life happened in a garden in Milan in 386 AD. He was weeping under a fig tree, torn apart inside. "How long, O Lord? Why not now? Why not this hour end my ugliness?" Suddenly, he heard a child's voice from over the wall chanting:
"Tolle, lege. Tolle, lege." (Take up and read. Take up and read.)
He had never heard a game with those words. He interpreted it as a command from God. He ran to where he had left his scroll of St. Paul's letters. He opened it at random and read Romans 13:13-14:
"Not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. But clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires."
Boom.
"No further would I read; nor needed I: for instantly at the end of this sentence, by a light as it were of serenity infused into my heart, all the darkness of doubt vanished away."
He was baptized by Ambrose the next Easter.
5. The Doctor of Grace
Augustine returned to Africa to live a quiet life as a monk. But the people grabbed him and made him a priest, then Bishop of Hippo. For the next 35 years, he fought heresies that threatened the Church:
- Donatism: The idea that if a priest is sinful, his sacraments don't work. (Augustine said: No, the sacraments work because of Jesus, not the priest).
- Pelagianism: The idea that you can earn heaven by your own effort, without grace. (Augustine said: No, we are totally dependent on God's grace).
He wrote two masterpieces:
- Confessions: The first autobiography in history.
- The City of God: A philosophy of history explaining why Rome fell (and why it wasn't the Christians' fault).
6. His Death
In 430 AD, the Vandals (barbarians) were besieging his city of Hippo. As the walls were crumbling, Augustine lay on his deathbed, reciting the Penitential Psalms he had pinned to the wall. He died as the Roman Empire fell. But his writings would build the foundation of the Middle Ages.
Conclusion: It's Never Too Late
St. Augustine is the patron saint of sore eyes (from weeping) and brewers (from his partying days). But mostly, he is the patron of Happy Endings. He proved that no amount of sin is greater than God's grace. If God can turn a Manichaean playboy into a Doctor of the Church, what can He do with you?
Prayer of St. Augustine:
"Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside... You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness... I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst; you touched me, and I burned for your peace."
Restless heart? Find peace in the 'Confessions' on the MyPrayerTower app.